How are you taking care of yourself during these uncertain times?

I never heard of the concept of "Loving Myself" growing up in a somewhat traditional Asian family.

The common/general Chinese beliefs (traditional virtues) are summarized below:

* Listen to & Obey Your Parents / Elders (no matter how old you are) to learn from their experiences & wisdom.

* Follow The communal Goal (within a family or community), remain Peace & Harmony in your group is the most important goal.

* Be considerate of Others, (even if it bothers you), so Do Not stand out, because it might cause ill feelings amongst your group.

* Be Outstanding to honor your Family Name.

* Take care of your well-being as they are a gift from your parents.

* Girls should stay quiet & act like a lady; don't date anyone but once you pass the late 20s, everyone in the neighborhood will be trying to set you up with "this good guy they know".

* Boys are precious as they carry on the Family name (legacy & inheritance), so they generally live & stay with their parent(s), may or may not ever move out, so they can stay as a Mama's boy as long as the Mother allows.

* As most people know, getting an A- or B in your grade is equivalent to an F- in Asian families, you bring shame to your family.

* The Parent(s) often compares the children with their siblings, cousins, or "someone they know".

* The Parent(s) criticize their kids in front of their friends to showcase their humble quality; but very competitive in reality, as the previous list.

* The Parent(s) rarely praise the children.

* School cares mostly about how well their students perform in exams or competitions; not their physical & mental wellbeing.

* Companies care about only their profits & how to cut down more costs; not the physical & mental wellness of their employees.

* Never talk about sex with the kids. Avoid "the talk" at all costs., it makes people uncomfortable.

Of course, I may have exaggerated a bit sarcastically, and every family is different; some more open than others, and hopefully many of these situations haven’t been happening as common as when I was a child...(fingers crossed).

These are just the top ones that popped up in my mind, and as you may already realized there are some very confusing & contradicting beliefs in these examples.

So naturally, as a girl, I was really confused at times, not sure what to do & act.

But the common theme?


Give to others before yourself.

It is: polite to do so,

plus it makes your unity/family looks good, generosity gains more bonus points.

Because what people think/say is how they usually get recognition & validations.

I'm definitely not saying The Act of Giving is not good.

I am trying to point out how the concept of "giving to self" is NEVER taught.

And so growing up, I've always felt very guilty wanting things for "myself".

Am I the only one feeling this way?

Often as Moms, we tend to put ourselves last. Then years later, we felt burnout & guilty.

As I became a wife then a Mother,

that guilt got worse;

and I became more depressed & cranky.

I didn’t understand where that deep dissatisfaction came from when I looked like I had it all on the surface:

a caring husband & adorable sweet children.

I felt so lost...

Mothers carried these nurturing images in most people's mind,

yet every single woman is unique in her own personality;

but once I hit motherhood, I got sorted into the box labeled as "MOM",

it felt sophisticating & crowded, I constantly felt out of place & stressed about being judged.

I love my children as much as I knew what "love" was,

but when I was constantly taking care of & giving to the husband & the kids,

even when I had time to be alone,

I was too busy numbing myself in various ways to avoid feeling my emotional pain

(of not knowing who I really am) or catching up on some sleep.

Perhaps if you grew up in a family that is loving, supportive, and capable of expressing love in healthy ways,

you would be ok going through that identity shifting period of life;

but I was a young mother who had just moved to the States,

going through cultural shock, language barrier & identity crisis.

If I had known the importance of SelfLove,

it would have saved me from years of depression, anxiety & probably lots of heartaches.

All we want as a Mother is the happiness of our children, but if we are not feeling loved ourselves, how much love can we afford to give?

After my failed marriage and my ex's suicide; We uprooted & moved to a new place, as a single Mom, I knew I had to Become Happy to be able to show my children that Happiness is an option for us.

So I worked hard on rebuilding our foundation, I went on a deep soul searching journey and immersed myself in many self-help books & courses from experts like Tony Robbins & Dean Graziosi, I dabbled in behavioral psychology & hypnotherapy, trying to hack my way to figure out the law of attraction;

I analyzed my thought patterns, my belief systems, and everything that made me who I was so I may find the key to happiness in life.

Self Love was the key that I discovered.

"What exactly is Loving Oneself?!"

And even though this concept is used in many books & formats, I've never come across it before.

and it is especially "foreign" to me as an Asian, as an immigrant.

the idea of it is so vague to me.

As I dig deeper, I realized it is because our concept of "Love" has become so distorted by love stories, love songs, movies & pop cultures.

And it is an international issue.

It is as simple as taking better care of yourself; yet as difficult as making yourself do the things you do not want to do.

As easy as eating healthier, moving your body every day; yet as hard as realizing what you are saying to yourself 24/7, and stop judging yourself.

As I slowly practiced various ways to love myself,

I became a happier person, the conflicts between me and my children improved, I because more patient & compassionate with people & things in my life; then eventually, after I achieved a level of self-acceptance & self-love, I finally gained inner peace (most of the time, because I am just a human lol).

This is a feeling, I had never ever experienced in my life.

So I wish, you'd give it a try today!! :)