Self Love: The Key To Inner Peace & Joyful Living

How are you taking care of yourself during these uncertain times?

I never heard of the concept of "Loving Myself" growing up in a somewhat traditional Asian family.

The common/general Chinese beliefs (traditional virtues) are summarized below:

* Listen to & Obey Your Parents / Elders (no matter how old you are) to learn from their experiences & wisdom.

* Follow The communal Goal (within a family or community), remain Peace & Harmony in your group is the most important goal.

* Be considerate of Others, (even if it bothers you), so Do Not stand out, because it might cause ill feelings amongst your group.

* Be Outstanding to honor your Family Name.

* Take care of your well-being as they are a gift from your parents.

* Girls should stay quiet & act like a lady; don't date anyone but once you pass the late 20s, everyone in the neighborhood will be trying to set you up with "this good guy they know".

* Boys are precious as they carry on the Family name (legacy & inheritance), so they generally live & stay with their parent(s), may or may not ever move out, so they can stay as a Mama's boy as long as the Mother allows.

* As most people know, getting an A- or B in your grade is equivalent to an F- in Asian families, you bring shame to your family.

* The Parent(s) often compares the children with their siblings, cousins, or "someone they know".

* The Parent(s) criticize their kids in front of their friends to showcase their humble quality; but very competitive in reality, as the previous list.

* The Parent(s) rarely praise the children.

* School cares mostly about how well their students perform in exams or competitions; not their physical & mental wellbeing.

* Companies care about only their profits & how to cut down more costs; not the physical & mental wellness of their employees.

* Never talk about sex with the kids. Avoid "the talk" at all costs., it makes people uncomfortable.

Of course, I may have exaggerated a bit sarcastically, and every family is different; some more open than others, and hopefully many of these situations haven’t been happening as common as when I was a child...(fingers crossed).

These are just the top ones that popped up in my mind, and as you may already realized there are some very confusing & contradicting beliefs in these examples.

So naturally, as a girl, I was really confused at times, not sure what to do & act.

But the common theme?

Give.

Give to others before yourself.

It is: polite to do so,

plus it makes your unity/family looks good, generosity gains more bonus points.

Because what people think/say is how they usually get recognition & validations.

I'm definitely not saying The Act of Giving is not good.

I am trying to point out how the concept of "giving to self" is NEVER taught.

And so growing up, I've always felt very guilty wanting things for "myself".

Am I the only one feeling this way?

As I became a wife then a Mother,

that guilt got worse;

and I became more depressed & cranky.

I didn’t understand where that deep dissatisfaction came from when I looked like I had it all on the surface:

a caring husband & adorable sweet children.

I felt so lost...

Mothers carried these nurturing images in most people's mind,

yet every single woman is unique in her own personality;

but once I hit motherhood, I got sorted into the box labeled as "MOM",

it felt sophisticating & crowded, I constantly felt out of place & stressed about being judged.

I love my children as much as I knew what "love" was,

but when I was constantly taking care of & giving to the husband & the kids,

even when I had time to be alone,

I was too busy numbing myself in various ways to avoid feeling my emotional pain

(of not knowing who I really am) or catching up on some sleep.

Perhaps if you grew up in a family that is loving, supportive, and capable of expressing love in healthy ways,

you would be ok going through that identity shifting period of life;

but I was a young mother who had just moved to the States,

going through cultural shock, language barrier & identity crisis.

If I had known the importance of SelfLove,

it would have saved me from years of depression, anxiety & probably lots of heartaches.

After my failed marriage and my ex's suicide; We uprooted & moved to a new place, as a single Mom, I knew I had to Become Happy to be able to show my children that Happiness is an option for us.

So I worked hard on rebuilding our foundation, I went on a deep soul searching journey and immersed myself in many self-help books & courses from experts like Tony Robbins & Dean Graziosi, I dabbled in behavioral psychology & hypnotherapy, trying to hack my way to figure out the law of attraction;

I analyzed my thought patterns, my belief systems, and everything that made me who I was so I may find the key to happiness in life.

Self Love was the key that I discovered.

"What exactly is Loving Oneself?!"

And even though this concept is used in many books & formats, I've never come across it before.

and it is especially "foreign" to me as an Asian, as an immigrant.

the idea of it is so vague to me.

As I dig deeper, I realized it is because our concept of "Love" has become so distorted by love stories, love songs, movies & pop cultures.

And it is an international issue.

It is as simple as taking better care of yourself; yet as difficult as making yourself do the things you do not want to do.

As easy as eating healthier, moving your body every day; yet as hard as realizing what you are saying to yourself 24/7, and stop judging yourself.

As I slowly practiced various ways to love myself,

I became a happier person, the conflicts between me and my children improved, I because more patient & compassionate with people & things in my life; then eventually, after I achieved a level of self-acceptance & self-love, I finally gained inner peace (most of the time, because I am just a human lol).

This is a feeling, I had never ever experienced in my life.

So I wish, you'd give it a try today!! :)

xoxo,

M