Step One: Recognize your value
You are having a picnic, and everyone invited is welcome to bring their favorite food to share.
So you went to the park early to set up a spot with the nicest view, overlooking the cherry blossoms blooming by the river.
You brought the nice waterproof plaid picnic blanket, you brought the fuzzy warm blanket, you brought a basket full of delicate treats, and a bottle of wine.
You thought of everything, you have all the silverware for everyone, the glasses, and the white cloth napkins with lace details at the corner.
You sat there, waiting patiently & happily.
But one of the guests you invited to the picnic, RSVP'd last minute, and didn't show up with much. She said work was so hectic, she didn't have time to get something special.
You didn't mind, smiled and said it's ok, you are just glad she made it there.
And you all had a fantastic time.
At the next picnic, this guest is still showing up with little to share and with little communication.
You never know for sure if she will be joining your picnic until she showed up.
She talked about what she might bring next time but she never once showed up with anything more.
She said life was crazy, and you understood, because you are such a sweet & understanding person.
You truly didn't mind, you have lots of wonderful things to share with everyone.
She brings a wonderful presence to your party, she's a nice person to talk to, she charms everyone.
So you invited her to your picnic, but again & again, you feel a little bit disappointed
because you thought she'd bring a bit more the next time.
You never know what to expect from her.
How much longer do you want to
keep inviting someone like that to your picnic?
You have lots of other friends,
but somehow you just want her there.
Somehow her presence there means more.
Why? you asked yourself why you are so intrigued by someone like that?
Could it be this is how your parents made you feel as a child?
To the Hopeless Romantics,
You should know that your picnic is freaking fantastic and that everyone invited feel so honored to be there.
You should know that there are lots & lots of other people who'd love to join your picnic party.
You should know that many of them too are funny, charming & are wonderful companies.
But the real question is
are YOU enjoying the picnic??
If you are, then why are you so hang up on the ones
who may or may not be there?
Only because you are too busy understanding others' situations before you even think of checking in with your own feelings.
Only because you secretly use them as a way to validate the value of your party.
Only because you are not seeing how awesome your picnic truly is,
you don't even need anyone there to have a good time.
It will be a big step forward recognizing all the times you secretly want to make everyone involved happy,
I hope you can realize all the times you are being too understanding & thoughtful that you are actually ignoring your own needs,
and you don't deserve to be treated that way. Especially by you.
So if it helps, think about the picnic, do you really want to keep inviting people to a picnic where you do all the planing, the prepping, the setup, the clean up, just to have them there enjoying the fruit of your labor, while you are NOT enjoying it??
YOU DESERVE SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT FROM YOURSELF.
Now, go on a picnic on your own instead.
What food do you actually want to enjoy?
How would you make it the best picnic ever even if no one else is there??
I've always liked the humor & brilliance of the video that teaches everyone about consent,
using the simple example of offering tea to someone,
so I was inspired to make this video from my blog about one of my own realization in my own healing journey.
Because, who wants to invite someone to a potluck if they only show up for food right?
Yet again, many women (including myself) have settled with partners/friends/families that isn't showing up in the same way, they may take advantage in the situations, while at the same time, not realizing what they actually need or like.
I've seen some videos & articles talking about breadcrumbing,
but I don't think it covers deeper laying thoughts, like:
why would we want breadcrumbs?
why would we settle for it?
are we breadcrumbing ourselves actually so that's why it didn't feel like "less than we deserve"?
what can we do about it.
This is not pointing figure to any party involved,
because we never know their situation or the inner struggle others go through,
instead, I just want to highlight the receiving end, the only part we can control:
How we think, how we feel, how we respond, & how we go forward.
For when we take full responsibility on our own end, is how we train our own awareness of what we do to ourselves and how that made us feel; and so we can empower ourselves once again.
PS: I love food analogy because I am a foodie lol.
Maybe I'll do a doodle about it? Let me know what you think? :)
🎼music: First Sun of Spring by Isobelle Walton from Epidemic Sound
Video made with Canva Pro
Photo copyright are owned by Memorable Wandering Studio.