I am happy.
And I say it with my whole heart.
This feeling used to feel so unfamiliar, like a fairy tale story that I’ve only heard of but never seen nor experienced.
This feeling used to be something I dreamed about but had no idea know how to embody.
I looked around but I didn’t find anyone around me with the answers I needed.
As a girl, I saw my Mom working really really hard & always hustling,
but she was cranky, tired, not getting the paycheck and recognition she deserved.
She probably felt really stuck & frustrated and she brought that energy home.
I felt that same frustration too when I became a Mom, giving all my love to my family but I wasn’t feeling that inner fulfillment & appreciation that I thought I’d gain.
I felt lost.
I used to think that in order to feel this level of delightfulness, I would have to get my life together, figure my sh*t out, lose xx lbs of weight & look a certain way, having i in my back account, done so much amazing things in life, and be so loved by my spouse & so respected by my children.
But do I have to?
Why did I believe that?
The world sold us the success formula that goes like this:
Get A+ in school + to get a job with benefits to gain security & make $$$ + get a good house/car/etc. + get married to a good person + to raise children that are playing by the rules & achieving academically= Success in life = Lasting Happiness.
Or if you are too a hopeless romantic woman, then you may have bought into the formula I followed:
Get skinny & look beautiful + to attract a valuable mate to marry + to make lots of babies + to create a HOME filled with love = Happily Ever After Kinda Happiness.
Or some other kind of formula you’ve found out there, that convince you to do things & achieve status EXTERNALLY in order to gain something you deeply desire INTERNALLY.
But, you know what?
At this moment in my life,
I still am grieving over my loss & the pain my children went through,
I still am finding parts of myself to heal & love,
I still haven’t lost the weight I wanted so many years ago (but I no longer believe I need it to be lovable),
I still am building my empire & the life I’ve always dream of,
my life still feels like a beautiful mess
& we are still not living in our dream home,
and yet I am SIMPLY HAPPY.
What’s funny is that, after all that I’ve been through in my life, this solid contentment of happiness made of inner peace & joy should seem even more impossible to me than when I was a teenager, but yet here I am.
Pleasantly happy for no particular reason a
Honestly I was feeling guilty about saying it out loud for a while with so much suffering around the globe; I was afraid to speak up not wanting to jinx it;
But now I see now, that wasn’t benefiting anyone, and instead it was making me feel less happy
I deserve feeling this way, you know, I’ve worked so hard on my healing, my growth, my self-acceptance & learning to love myself unconditionally to get here.
I should declare my happiness unapologetically!
So here it is, lol.
Now, I don’t say it to brag or annoy anyone, instead, I am sharing this to shine light on what’s making myself so miserable for decades, for the tiny chance of this message may FREE someone who’s still feeling stuck where I was.
There is a reason why they say:
Happiness is an inside job!
You may argue that your many conquers & achievements have brought you happiness, and yes, it’s true when you take certain actions it does bring you joy for some time, but usually, it would not last if you don’t face what keeps bringing your happiness level down INSIDE.
And in order to bring your happiness level up again, you have to gain more & achieve more, until you get tired, wondering why it doesn’t last.
You can keep checking off all the boxes on that success/happiness formula, hoping it’ll bring you lasting inner peace & joy;
But honestly, we’ve all heard of someone who has it all in life but is living in misery.
So deep down you know that path doesn’t actually bring you to the Joy Land, and something isn’t right.
But what is it??
And the secret I’ve found is this:
Happiness is already within you, it just has been buried & covered up by all the clutters from your life.
I know you may never heard of me, and I don’t have some fancy degree, so how can I proof this theory?
Remember when you were a little kid and you were just playing around doing nothing in particular, like lying on the grass looking at the clouds or picking a beautiful flower to gift to someone you love and you feel AMAZINGLY HAPPY??
Happiness is within you already!
Keep in mind, I am not saying you shouldn’t go after a secured job or achieve another level of success financially or whatever you want in this world.
After all, who am I to tell you how to live your life?
You have the FREE WILL to choose how you want to live your life.
All I am saying is,
those things may not actually give you what you truly desire, so remember to go after it because you LOVE it but not because you believe it will grant you inner peace & joy. (So you won’t feel as disappointed as I did & many others had too.)
All I am doing is sharing this loving reminder to you:
“Hey, my friends,
the happiness you’ve been looking for is already in your basement*, hidden under all the things you no longer needs, along with some painful emotional-triggering items there.
Perhaps it’s time to go through them and get rid of them, so you can find the inner joy that you’ve been looking for!”
*just clarifying, I am not talking about a literal basement. You may too live in a one level house like me, in that case, please replace the word “basement” to a closet or an attic… C
What I meant is: It’s a hidden place in your mind buried under all your insecurities, fears, worries & sadness etc. and you should probably do a garage sale or just make a few trips to the dump like I’m about to do.
HAPPINESS is your birthright!
(This is a picture of me taken by my daughter, as I excitedly & eagerly waiting for my pho! #foodielife )