As a mom, I just want to make my children happy,
especially after all the heartache & pain they went through...
But, it feels impossible on some days.
I had failed at protecting my daughter from harm... so it's no surprise that my focus every day is on how to keep them safe & make them feel happy again.
And yet, some days it ends horribly when I try too hard to do this.
Can you relate?
As someone who grew up in a small town with parents so busy working trying to make ends meet, I was often neglected or watched by elder relatives. And then I finally made it so far in life to give my children the life I've always wanted-- an emotionally loving Mom, a safe home to live in, with homemade delicious food almost every night, spending quality time on Sundays together, eating out at restaurants and living in Hawai'i-- where we can go to the beaches whenever we want for a swim!
So you can imagine how frustrated I'd feel on some days when I've just taken my children out to a park, spent money took them to eat somewhere, and yet they kept getting into silly arguments over the littlest thing, saying how much they hate each other... ungrateful children, right?
In between of my blissful moments of seeing them loving on one another, there are these little fights between the children-- especially after my long day at work-- I just don't have the energy for being the judge that they want. And oh, I so hate being the bad guy here, but I'd tell them I am mad them both for it lol.
As a Mom, it takes so little to make us feel guilty, especially after trauma-- when we already feel guilty & somewhat responsible for all the bad things happened to our children's lives. And that is why it is super upsetting if all you hear from your children is their negative comments about their life, instead of appreciations for your hard work.
We can't make everyone happy, even though we always know that, but as Moms, we are always trying to make our children happy-- especially when there are guilt involved.
I'd buy their happiness if I can, I'd cook things they love to make them happy, I'd go to the end of earth for them if that is all it takes-- but sometimes that still does not seem to be enough for them.
And that's when I get defeated.
That is when my thought would get to that dark corner where I used to hide as a child, feeling sorry for myself, thinking that all my hard healing work was all for nothing-- even know I know & my heart knows that wasn't true.
Do you have a place like that in your mind?
And that is why all the healing leads back to Self Love.
For there is just no way we as Moms can EVER ensure of our children's happiness, only they can, and we can only assist, influence & cheer them on the sideline.
There is only one person we are 100% responsible to make happy-- it's ourselves.
So, on days like this, it is a sign calling us to be mindful if we've been overgiving & over-caring to the people we love dearly. AND ALLOW OURSELVES THE TIME & SPACE TO CARE & LOVE OURSELVES MORE.
As a full-time single Mama, this isn't easy to do, especially, as a Mom after a toxic love with that heavy guilt baggages I carry around, I actually have to FORCE myself to make time for myself.
Like buy the ticket to get me to go out seeing a movie by myself, go for a workday at a beach park,having a lunch picnic by the sea, taking a hour long salt bath with candles, tea & a good book-- getting the date time with myself on my schedule.
Yes, even though as a coach myself, I still have to keep re-enforcing these strategies & practices in my life-- that is how I actually figured out the process I teach in my programs! As they are what I can not live without on this beautiful healing journey.
What's magical with enforcing these self love rituals is that they help me recharges my energy, feeling more recenter & grounded, so I can once again be a more patient, understanding & loving Mom for my little loves.
So yes, we can not make everyone happy.
However, when we make ourselves happy, when we are rooted in our own inner peace as a Mom, it makes us feel less shaky or cranky when we are in a negative environment-- and as our children are so influenced by us, they will also get back to their true happy selves sooner! 😉
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